To love Or not to love
by Depreciation
Summary: She turned her back to him, so he couldn't see her tears. How she wished she was his sister. How tormented she was that she wasn't his family.


Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters listen in this fanfiction, I do however own the story line itself. This is in no way associated with the original authors, and/or artists.

Summary:

D'Eon looked up into his sisters eyes, seeing the sadness she held so deeply. "Lia.. tell me what I can do to ease your pain.. please.. " He begged her, agony in his voice. "D'Eon, you mustn't say such things. You can not give me what my heart desires. What I want is unatainable. " She turned her back to him, so he couldn't see her tears. How she wished she was his sister. How tormented she was that she wasn't his family. How much she wanted to tell him that it was alright, that the passionate feelings they held for one another were not wrong. But if she told him, if he knew the truth, he'd never see her like he always had. She'd just be a girl to him, not family. "D'Eon, I want you to leave me for now. I'll summon you at a later time."

D'Eon was so wrapped up in his own thoughts, he didn't notice Madam Anna following him, calling to him. "D'Eon! D'Eon pelase slow down!" She called to him, finally breaking his thought. He spund around, stunned and startled by her sudden call. "D'Eon, where are you going? Why did you ignore my calls?" Annas face was flushed bright red, she was out of breath and she seemed a little suprised herself at his behavior. "I-I didn't hear you calling to me, I apologize. I was preoccupied with my own thoughts." He turned his face away from her, so she couldn't see the pain. She'd know instantly it was about Lia if she saw his face.

Anna was the one person who knew him inside and out, other than Lia. Anna knew the secrets, the hidden emotions, the things he could not tell her. But yet she knew nothing of his feelings of Lia or of his feelings for her. How he longed to wrap her in his embrace, to give her the love he knew she desired; the love he knew she deserved! But he couldn't. for his heart already belonged to someone, someone it shouldn't have. Lia De Bourmant. Lia was the one he loved, cherished and wanted. But it was so wrong, how could he love someone that was his own kin? Someone that was of his flesh and blood? If only it were that simple, he thought, to just be able to change my name, my appearance and be able to love her the way I do without secrecy. But it wasn't that simple.

D'Eon had to hide his love, hide his need for her. And every time he rejected his sisters audience, every time he rejected to see her she'd come in any way. She'd she show up and all the strength he'd built up to distance himself from her would be for nothing. He'd be pulled back into her eyes, and he'd almost take her to realize what he was doing in the nick of time. How many close calls he'd had when they were children. How many times he'd wanted to take her right there in their shared baths, in their secret places. How many times he'd hidden his stiffness from her, afraid she would see what he really wanted. Something that was unforgivable. Something she'd never want.

D'Eon turned back to Anna, flustered, "I'm sorry.. I didn't mean to not respond to you, Anna. I was so engrossed in my own thoughts, I didn't hear you." Anna's answering smile was forgiving and trusting, she didn't seem to suspect anything was amiss. "Oh, my dearest, D'Eon.. It's alright. You don't have to worry, you know. I was just here to deliver this message to you." She held out an envelope, closed with the royal family seal. It had never been opened, it was addressed to himself and Lia. "Thank you, Anna, i'll take it to my sister at once." He turned to leave, but Anna placed her firm hand on his arm, stopping him. "D'Eon, when will I see you again?" The silent plea in her vocie made D'Eon's heart ache to return her love, but he could not. "I'm not sure. I will write to you soon." D'Eon shrugged off her hand, and continued on his way to find Lia.

D'Eon made his way to Lia's room, but stopped short, hearing her voice from within. She was receiting something. The book of Psalms. _"Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. But his delight is in the law of the LORD; and in his law doth he meditate day and night. And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall ungodly are not so: but are like the chaff which the wind driveth the ungodly shall not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the congregation of the the LORD knoweth the way of the righteous: but the way of the ungodly shall perish." D'Eon's eyes widened, listening still to his sisters words,_

_"Have mercy upon me, O LORD; for I am weak: O LORD, heal me; for my bones are soul is also sore vexed: but thou, O LORD, how long? Return, O LORD, deliver my soul: oh save me for thy mercies' in death there is no remembrance of thee: in the grave who shall give thee thanks?I am weary with my groaning; all the night make I my bed to swim; I water my couch with my eye is consumed because of grief; it waxeth old because of all mine from me, all ye workers of iniquity; for the LORD hath heard the voice of my weeping._

_The LORD hath heard my supplication; the LORD will receive my all mine enemies be ashamed and sore vexed: let them return and be ashamed the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. The same was in the beginning with God. All things were made by him; and without him was not any thing made that was made. In him was life; and the life was the light of men. And the light shines in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not._

_Quicken me, O LORD, for thy name's sake: for thy righteousness' sake bring my soul out of of thy mercy cut off mine enemies, and destroy all them that afflict my soul: for I am thy servant. In the name of that truth and loyalty, I shall take my vengeance."_

D'Eon stood there, with his back against the wall, breathing hard. He felt as if he'd almost been suffocated listening to her words. But he knew those well. Those were the Psalms. The things Telligore had been teaching them all their lives. The things of wich they lived by. D'Eon took a deep breath before he knocked on the door.

"Come in, D'Eon, " Lia called to him. She was leaning on her knees, her hair trailing down her back, off the shoulder. Her eyes were sad, distant and almost empty. She looked troubled. D'Eon set the letter down on the bed and walked over to her, sinking to his knees. "Sister.. what troubles you?" Lia's eyes widened, then turned away from him, and so did her body. "There's nothing the matter, D'Eon. What did you want?"

"I won't tell you until you tell me what's wrong!" Her eyes widened, he was so close to her now. Her back was pinned against the wall, her hands on his chest. D'Eon tilted his head, letting his bangs cover his eyes. "Lia.. please tell me what's wrong.. " Tears began streaming down his cheeks. Lia leaned up, and slowly whiped away his tears, just as D'Eon stiffened. He then pulled back, his eyes wide with sadness. "L-lia.. why... " He began, but he didn't know what to say.

Lia stiffened, her eyes full of tears and emptiness. "You asked me what I wanted, D'Eon, what was troubling me.. it's this. I can't take it anymore, I love you in ways a sister should not love her brother."

D'Eon shoved Lia away him, and ran out of the room. Her words echoed in his head, over and over. _"What was troubling me, is this. I love you in ways a sister should not love her brother!"_ He stopped running, arriving at his room. He stood there, hands on his knees, panting. He sank to the floor, and cried. And that's where Lia found him. She carried him to his bed, and tucked him in. She couldn't forgive herself for trying to force her feelings on him. She had to find out the truth. She went to her room, took out a few essential things she'd need for her journey, and packed them up. She redied the horses, and polished her bow. She sharpened her arrows, and tied her hair back with a piece of silk D'Eon had given her for her birthday. The little slip brought a smile to her face. Then she left the room. All she left him, was a note telling him she would return when she figured things out. That he should spend this time training harder, and serving their King in her place.


End file.
